I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize