Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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