I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My liver just broke up with me...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
