Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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