There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
