do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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