If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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