I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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