I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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