I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
