I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
