You can't special order awesome
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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