I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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