I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
