can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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