last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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