I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize