You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best revenge is premature balding
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
