Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
