I am puke
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
