this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
