LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So vagazzling was a success
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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