Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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