you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
