She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
