yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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