i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
