So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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