So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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