mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
