Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize