This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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