Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think my moral compass just broke
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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