I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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