you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize