I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
