oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
