matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
