I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
