I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
