Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize