At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
