Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
