Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
