the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
