I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
