That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
