just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
