I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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