He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
