That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
