Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
