I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
