I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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