At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
