You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
