people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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