you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
