Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
