it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
