these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize