it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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