I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
