They should really pass out barf bags in church
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You dont lie about slip and slides
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
