Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
