We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
