Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
