you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
