you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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