Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize