can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
