I'm going to jail i love you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
