the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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