So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
