Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
