Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
