I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How's work?
Spinning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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