We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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