I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
