I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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