I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
