we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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