just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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