the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
