Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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