mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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