Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
