oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
