YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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