i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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