Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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