Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
