Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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