hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
