i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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