dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
