i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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