R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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