just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
