There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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