2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
