I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
