Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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