College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
