if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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