At least make sure they are 18
Why
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
