I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
