So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
NoShamevember. You game?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
