sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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