you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
